Early in the morning.
I woke up with some mild contractions that came every 10minutes and lasted 1 minute long. (Thanks to the app, timing them was easy ;). At this point I just tried to relax, sleep (maybe) and practice deep breathing when a contraction came, which worked very well for me.
One hour later contractions increased in intensity, so I no longer wanted to stay in bed. I got up, and my husband awoke. "What is going on?" - he asked. I looked at him for a long while, and then told him about the contractions. He woke up with a start, huge smile on his face - like I have never seen before, excitement flooding the room. I love this guy!
Mistake.
Instead of focusing on my body, I focus on cooking, the people around me... and my contractions drift apart and decrease in intensity. I don't like being looked at while having a contraction and keep hiding instead of relaxing into it and letting my body do its job.
Was it water breaking?
At 10am some amount of liquid comes out - I am confused. It's more than usual, yet doesn't feel like a gush... Hmm. At 2pm - events repeat. I am getting a bit nervous and decide to call midwives. They ask me to come in for a check.
Just in case I pack my bag for the hospital, eat a good meal and take some snacks with me. My husband, his mom and me start our journey.
At the midwives.
1. Non-stress test - the baby is doing very well.
2. Ultrasound - amount of amniotic fluid is normal-low.
3. Check by a midwife - yes, my water bag is broken.
Sent to the hospital.
Oh, how I didn't want to go to the hospital before active labour kicked in. Because my water is broken and I have a mild preeclampsia case, I can't return home. Maybe I should not have called the midwives at all? ... Just to be a rebel that I sometimes am, instead of heading straight to the hospital my company and I go to the store to buy some food for us, which I eat in the car.
Beginning...
After being admitted, which takes only a few moments, my husband and I are heading to the room where I'll labour and give birth. We unpack, change and settle. Nurse comes in and asks me all kinds of questions about my health. She puts the monitor on me to do a non-stress test, that lasts for 1 hour instead of 20 minutes, even though the baby is completely fine. Later Gaye (one of the midwives) comes in and talks to us. She wants me to have an IV block in my arm just in case. I am really unexcited about it. The nurse comes in and I try to ask her questions about the IV and such, but she gets extremely moody and can barely contain herself, giving away her rage by forcefully throwing a towel on the shelf. I stop asking questions and let her put the needle in. She draws blood (for more blood samples to check my preeclampsia state) and then connects me to the IV fluid and when I ask her "why I need IV fluid" she gets moody again and starts lecturing me about how she does things one way and that is it. Wow, what a nurse.... Nevertheless, later on she takes out all monitors and lets us walk around.
My husband and I really enjoy that walk. We go to the different halls, stairs, corridors. Whenever a contraction comes we both are really excited. I hug him burying my face on his chest and start to sway my hips. I don't mind passersby. It's all about us now. It is very intimate and I enjoy and celebrate every contraction that comes and ties us together. His face lights up every time I stop and hug him, he keeps track of contractions and tells me that they are 10 minutes apart, like in the morning. We are getting excited!
When we come back to the room the other nurse takes care of us now (thanks to god and universe and all good angels!!!!!!!), she measures my blood pressure and it is very high (160/105), so I am no longer able to walk outside. I settle in bed. Barb (my midwife for the night) comes in and tells us that even though our previous plan was to let me labour on my own till 10pm, now she is not comfortable with it. She wants me to have contractions every 3 minutes and they are 10-9 minutes apart. Generally speaking, she wants me to have this baby as soon as possible, so she wants us to start pitocin and when transition will come, she will start magnesium-sulfate, which will make me feel pretty bad, but will control my preeclampsia state.
I don't want to do any of that. I ask for more time. I want to see results from my blood test, maybe I am doing better. Barb is willing to wait for a bit and I am grateful to her.
This night at the hospital proves to be really busy. My nurses keep changing, Barb does not come in. I ask my husband to join me in bed and I hug him and draw my strength from him. I am so happy he is with me because this whole labour is not going the way I imagined it at all. I had such a healthy pregnancy, we took prenatal classes, we were so excited... and here we are now.
Barb comes in again and we tells me that my blood tests are a bit better, but they are not ideal and she wants me to start Pitocin. I agree...
Nurse comes in and wants to start me on Magnesium-Sulfate. What???? This is not what we agreed to. We tell her that and she is very surprised. "We usually start with magnesium-sulfate, not with pitocin... let me double check" - she leaves and does not come for a while.
I start thinking - "What can I do?" and then I remember reading in Ina May's book about nipple stimulation - it can help intensify labour. I ask my husband for help and he is not too enthusiastic about it, but I want to try something - anything at this point. We turn off the lights, turn on candles, I bury my face on his chest and "go inside", focusing on my body. We start nipple stimulation and very soon my contractions come more often and they are stronger. By the time the nurse arrives, my contractions come every 3 minutes and they are pretty strong. Turns out the monitors didn't pick up my contractions, so she stays with us and observes, and when she sees how often my contractions come, she adjust the monitors and leaves the room. At this point my blood pressure starts to go down as well. I am in 130/90 range and as the night progresses, my blood pressure drops to 120/80 making everybody very happy and then goes even lower than that.
Barb comes in and she is pretty happy. "Just keep doing what you are doing",- she said. No one is taking about inducing my labour or giving me drugs any longer. Yes!!!!!
Contractions.
I bless every contraction that comes to me, I welcome it. I visualize how my uterus is opening more and more and my baby is going down. I am working very hard. I work on stimulation for the contraction to come, and then I work on going through the contraction, which is pretty intense at this point. My husband encourages me and praises me and tells me how strong and wonderful I am, that we can do it, that I am doing great. I can feel how happy he is. I stay calm and let the nature take it's course. I take deep looooong breaths and they really help me. Very deep and long breath with the start of each contraction. Also, I start moaning, gently, I guess, because the nurse that comes thinks that I am only 1-2 cm dilated.
Barb comes in and I ask her to check me - I am 5 cm dilated. Great success!!!! I am asking about room with the tub - "Can we go there?". Barb has her doubts, but our wonderful nurse vouches for us pointing out how well I am doing. Barb is convinced, and we move to another room.
Room with the tub.
I walk in the corridor. "Don't hesitate to stop and go through your contraction", our nurse tells me. I stop, leaning onto the wall, close my eyes, inhale slowly and have my beloved contraction. Life is good.
We settle in the new room. The tub is being filled with water. My contractions are coming regularly and I don't have to work as hard at stimulation any more.
Climbing into the tub at this point is a challenge on it's own. I feel as graceful as a turtle, trying to lift my legs and ease myself into the tub. The water is wonderfully warm. I squat, leaning on the edge of the tub. Nice... The nurse puts plastic sleeve on my arm with the IV half-block. My husband stays right next to me. Contractions are coming. I am moaning louder. I am very careful about starting my deep breath exactly at the beginning of each contraction. Somehow it works like anesthetic, exhales work other way around, so I keep having slow deep inhales and quick exiles.
My husband is in the tub, my contractions are much longer now and very intense. I ask him to do a hip squeeze. Oh, it works like a charm. Now he has to do it every contraction.
At this point I completely lose track of time, events and presence of other people. My world rotates around the tub, contractions and my husband. He talks to me and even though I can't reply, my head is somehow clear and I have an answer to everything he says, I even joke in my head. My contractions turn into one very long continuous contraction that has high peaks and never goes away completely. I keep moaning, forgetting to stop even when sensation is not intense. My husband is putting all his weight on my back at this point (hip squeeze). I can feel how he is getting tired and starts shaking. I have no mercy for him: if he does not apply enough pressure, sensations get too intense for me so I beg him to keep at it. It is just me and him in the room, in the tub, in the universe. The time has stopped.
Turns out this one long contractions lasts about two hours. (I had no idea it was that long). The nurse comes in and gives me something resembling a cone with the bag attached to it - in case I feel nauseous, which I do, so I hold that cone close to me, but I never vomit. She also offers cold compresses, which she puts on my forehead and my neck - absolutely wonderful sensation! She leaves and it seems she never comes back.
I feel so tired, I start to shake. I ask my husband to change position, so he leans on the edge of the tub and I lean on him, straightening my legs for the first time in hours. We rest. Contractions stop being as intense and drift apart. I am so exhausted at this point, that I shake uncontrollably. My husband gets very nervous and asks the nurse if I am "OK". She explains to him that I am fine, it's just my hormones acting.
We are alone again. I think that I was in the transition faze of my labour, and now the pushing stage will come. It never does...
Barb comes in and asks me if I want to move to the bed. She checks me and says that I AM 5CM DILATED, IT CAN BE STRETCHED TO 6.
I can't believe my ears. What?????? What is going on here? What was that long super intense contraction all about? Did my uterus closed back when I was resting? "You need to get back your contractions, otherwise we will need to use pitocin."
I am exhausted at this point and so discouraged... My contractions that come with less intensity and less often are getting very uncomfortable. My coping techniques start to fall apart, I tense when contraction comes and fight it (that's when I know that I am losing my battle). I start suffering. I whimper and cry.
My husband is very encouraging. He tries this and that, hypnobirth meditations that we practiced every night for a month, telling me how strong I am, that I can do it, squeezing my hips, massaging me. Nothing works and I feel sad. I feel bad for wanting that epidural, I feel bad for wanting to give up.
He asks me to try and hold up 30mins longer. I do it for him, but I am no longer a warrior now. I have given up.
That is how I know that giving birth is so much about mental preparation. If you are strong in your mind, believe in yourself, get help and encouragement, support from others - you'll do just fine no matter how intense or long that contraction is. But the moment you start doubting yourself, things start to crumble and even a mild contraction becomes unbearable.
Epidural.
When the anesthesiologist comes, I am shaking uncontrollably. I can't even speak clearly. I am in my amygdala brain now, trying to run away from reality and hide.
Ah, also, my beautiful encouraging, wonderful nurse is done with her shift, and my first mean nurse comes back to "take care" of me. She hands me a sheet of paper with the info about epidural and tells me to read it very carefully and then sign it. I can barely keep my eyes open, so I ask Enrique to read it, and then point to me where to sigh.
Anesthesiologist asks me if I know the risks of getting an epidural, tells me a bit about it, asks if I read and signed that paper and tells me step by step what he is going to do. Nurse takes my hands in her hands, I look at my husband who looks very sad, and silently hope it would be his hands I was holding, not hers. When the needle comes in I feel a burning pinch, so I squeeze nurses hands and then apologize for it. After that I feel warmth in my legs, some other not too comfortable sensations in my back, and it's all over. In a moment the pain is gone and I feel WONDERFUL!!!!!!!! I feel human, I feel like I can function again. I am happy I got that epidural.
The nurse starts me on IV liquid, then pitocin. Then she needs to put that catheter in (for urine to leave my body) and I ask her if it is really necessary and she starts to lecture me and my husband again about this and that instead of saying simple "Yes, it is really necessary." Whenever she puts something into my vein, she does it very forcefully, warning me about upcoming pain. I don't mind her though. I just ignore her.
I start to sleep and rest, preparing for the pushing part.
Pushing.
Barb is gone and it's Debby's turn now. She let's me rest. Then the resident comes in and checks me - I am fully dilated at this point, baby is descending. I guess the busy day keeps going, so Debby decides to let my uterus to do its part without my input, so I keep resting.
Debby and the nurse come at 4 pm and I start my pushing journey. Hopefully I'll do it in three easy pushes, like Joanne, my instructor. Hmm... Nope, it's not happening to me. I keep looking at the clock every 15 minutes and the progress is slow, but steady. Two hours later I am still pushing. My husband is with me, Debby and the nurse are chatting, when contraction comes I feel a slight tightening and ask them if it is really a contraction - then start pushing for 3 to 4 breaths, and then rest 3-4 minutes waiting for the other contraction. They say they can see the head of the baby. I want to see it too. They bring the mirror in. I thought it would be a small mirror, but it is a huge full body size mirror. Wow!!!! Now I can see everything. Oh-oh... ;).
After that my pushing efforts are much more efficient. Soon Debby asks me to follow her direction of pushing and then stopping and then pushing again. I follow her and my baby is being born. First the head, then one shoulder and then the whole body comes out.
Baby!!!!!!!
Debby tells me that the baby will be brought to the nursery (because my labour was so long and I developed fever at the end), so she calls some nurses to come when I am pushing. But when the baby appears, she takes one look at my baby girl and dismisses the nurses, puts my little baby on my belly. I am very excited!!!!! So excited!!!! I don't care about anything else in the whole world. My baby is here.
Enrique clamps the cord. I try to breastfeed. We are happy!!!!!!!! Enrique falls in love with the baby when he takes her in his arms for the first time.
We did it! We did it together, my love, and this experience will be with us forever.
